Just a thought, the output of top that you posted doesn't seem to be ordered by memory use. You have to press "M" when top is running to do that (the default is to order by cpu use and lots of services site idle most of the time so you don't see them on that list)
here is top from one of my servers:
top - 22:28:16 up 50 days, 11:25, 2 users, load average: 0.00, 0.00, 0.00
Tasks: 124 total, 2 running, 122 sleeping, 0 stopped, 0 zombie
Cpu(s): 0.0%us, 0.0%sy, 0.0%ni,100.0%id, 0.0%wa, 0.0%hi, 0.0%si, 0.0%st
Mem: 1017960k total, 980308k used, 37652k free, 122600k buffers
Swap: 2980016k total, 908k used, 2979108k free, 316976k cached
PID USER PR NI VIRT RES SHR S %CPU %MEM TIME+ COMMAND
8482 clamav 20 0 86456 73m 980 S 0.0 7.4 2:48.57 clamd
8542 amavis 20 0 66852 56m 5816 S 0.0 5.7 0:05.67 amavisd-new
30105 amavis 20 0 69156 56m 2660 S 0.0 5.6 0:01.72 amavisd-new
30788 amavis 20 0 68464 55m 2560 S 0.0 5.6 0:00.79 amavisd-new
7465 ebox 20 0 51488 44m 4748 S 0.3 4.5 106:46.78 ebox-loggerd
13850 ebox 20 0 53832 43m 5652 S 0.0 4.4 0:02.02 apache2
2032 www-data 20 0 46372 28m 5972 S 0.0 2.9 3:29.19 apache2
8507 root 20 0 31584 28m 2572 S 0.0 2.9 0:52.57 spamd
8567 root 20 0 31584 26m 640 S 0.0 2.7 0:00.27 spamd
8568 root 20 0 31584 26m 548 S 0.0 2.7 0:00.38 spamd
1620 www-data 20 0 42356 24m 6012 S 0.0 2.5 8:18.92 apache2
14401 www-data 20 0 41752 23m 5624 S 0.0 2.4 1:27.62 apache2
14429 www-data 20 0 40776 23m 5996 S 0.0 2.3 3:21.00 apache2
8512 ebox 20 0 26048 22m 3364 S 0.0 2.3 0:03.76 learnspamd
7695 postgres 20 0 40812 22m 20m S 0.0 2.2 3:38.85 postgres
4887 postgres 20 0 40144 21m 21m S 0.0 2.2 2:32.74 postgres
27700 www-data 20 0 39244 20m 5536 S 0.0 2.1 0:26.95 apache2
As you can see clamAV is the worst offender along with anti spam stuff, apache and postgres (but then I do use egroupware). Given it's been up for 50 days I don't think the memory usage is too bad, of course I'm not acting as a proxy for 200 clients though.
If you want a real memory hog have a look at a server2008 SBS install. It will boot with 4GB but you seem to need more like 8GB if you don't want it to keep crashing... and that's with 5 users
ok, but i dont use egroupware, mail, antispam, antivirus, database (postgres) so i didnt install that modules, but still the memory used is very high. I dont want to use window$, i can compare with other linux distros like ipcop that the only issue is that not support multiwan, and giving all same services that ebox use only 1/8 of the memory that ebox use.
I think there are 3 things that cause the mem problem:
1- the soft that ebox use to each service (ej. ebox for dns use bind and ipcop use dnsmasq).
2- Use the ubuntu kernel without tunning (if somebody used ubuntu anytime knows what about iam taking, the ubuntu kernel use a lot of the ram to buffers and cache, i dont why).
3- Dependencies, ex. i dont select postgres in advance packages selection but it installed anyway, and the same thing do with other packages.
thanks and sorry about may english.