OK when I started typing this I was still out of luck but I have been trying things and entering the result as I have gone along (without posting) - as you will see from the very end of this post it is now working
I have reinstalled ubuntu8.04 server on two boxes - they are totally up to date
I installed ebox - that worked on both with no errors
I then installed ebox-usersandgroups on both boxes with absolutely nothing else
It worked but with errors
Setting up ebox-network (1.3.9-0ubuntu1~ppa1~hardy1) ...
Use of uninitialized value in string eq at /usr/share/ebox-network/ebox-netcfg-import line 58, <FD> line 10.
Use of uninitialized value in concatenation (.) or string at /usr/share/ebox-network/ebox-netcfg-import line 66, <FD> line 10.
Use of uninitialized value in concatenation (.) or string at /usr/share/ebox-network/ebox-netcfg-import line 66, <FD> line 10.
Use of uninitialized value in concatenation (.) or string at /usr/share/ebox-network/ebox-netcfg-import line 66, <FD> line 10.
Use of uninitialized value in concatenation (.) or string at /usr/share/ebox-network/ebox-netcfg-import line 66, <FD> line 10.
Use of uninitialized value in string eq at /usr/share/ebox-network/ebox-netcfg-import line 58, <FD> line 10.
Use of uninitialized value in concatenation (.) or string at /usr/share/ebox-network/ebox-netcfg-import line 66, <FD> line 10.
Use of uninitialized value in concatenation (.) or string at /usr/share/ebox-network/ebox-netcfg-import line 66, <FD> line 10.
Use of uninitialized value in concatenation (.) or string at /usr/share/ebox-network/ebox-netcfg-import line 66, <FD> line 10.
Use of uninitialized value in concatenation (.) or string at /usr/share/ebox-network/ebox-netcfg-import line 66, <FD> line 10.
Use of uninitialized value in numeric ne (!=) at /usr/share/perl5/EBox/Network.pm line 978, <DATA> line 228.
* Restarting eBox module: network
I was prompted for and entered a password for ldap administrator (set to the same on both boxes)
apparmor is not installed on either box and /etc/init.d/apparmor has been deleted from both boxes
I set one box up as an ldap master but entered no users at this stage
I have tried to set up the other box as slave but no luck - it won't recognise the ldap password.
I have tried with the ldap admin password I entered on install, I have tried with the one in /var/lib/eboxconf/ebox-ldap.passwd (typed in and copied and pasted from this file) - each time i try to activate it fails with a password error
I have tried with the firewall enabled on both boxes (both set to accept for ldap rule) and with the firewall disabled on both boxes
FINALLY I entered a user into the master then activated the slave (ebox-ldap.passwd) with both firewalls active and ldap accepted on both.
IT WORKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(and I can now see the user I entered on the master in the edit user bit of the slave)
I hope this excursion down a lot of mysterious blind alleys helps anyone else who finds themselves stuck (or provides some entertainment to the smug)
I have no idea what broke (or what I broke) in the begining or at various stages along the way
but thanks to all those who gave assistance.